Our oldest surviving aunty

One man’s pain is anotherone’s pleasure. Which is why we continue to be fascinated with otherpeople’s problems discussed on a public forum. And which is why the agonyaunt will always be our oldest surviving relative. She is also the mostadaptable, evolving to other media like radio and television and responding to newer queries, like sex and spirituality. After all, in this age of instantgratification, don’t all women love two-minute advice?However, the piquant irony is that the agony aunt column was started by a man. In the new book Never Kiss a Man in a Canoe: Words of Wisdom from the Golden Age of Agony Aunts, author Tanith Carey writes that the first ‘problem page’ was started way back in the 17th century. In 1691, a 32-year-old man called John Dunton was having an affair and realized there was no one he could ask for advice without revealing his identity. Dunton, a printer and bookseller, understood that his dilemma could not be unique. He launched the Athenian Gazette, which invited queries from readers. Thus, the first agony column was born. It proved so popular that Dunton had to hire writers to helphim. One of them was Daniel Defoe, who in 1704 started the Review and became itsagony uncle. An increasing number of publications warmed to this interactiveformat, but by the 1740s, female advisors had come to the fore. Yet,experts claim advice dispensed by agony aunts is superficial, coloured bypersonal notions and is just another brand of pop psychology. Clinicalpsychologist and psychotherapist Varkha Chulani says such advice “shouldalways be taken with a pinch of salt”. Nevertheless, she agrees that agonyaunts may be helpful as they provide a third point of view. “Medical helpis expensive, so at least people are getting a perspective free ofcost.”In India, a one-off agony aunt column could be found ina glossy magazine till around 15 years ago. Agony aunts went mainstream withnational English dailies introducing such columns. Soon, a desi agony uncle wasappointed — none other than motormouth marketing maverick Suhel Seth. Hiscolumn, in his own words, slams the person asking the question rather thansympathizing with him. One such example is of a a 19-year-oldengineering student. She wrote to Seth saying that though she was in a steadyrelationship for three years, to secure high marks, she got into a relationshipwith her physics teacher. She passed the exam, but her classmates werethreatening to tell her boyfriend. She asked what she should do.Seth answered: “Ah bloody hell! Physics teacher again? What onearth is going on with physics teachers in Bengal? Are they so virile or justtoo attractive because of the wretched complex subject they teach or do thestudents actually believe sleeping with your physics teachers will be a form ofnatural fission? Just be bold and tell your classmates to tell your boyfriend.After scoring so well on all fronts, you can get anyone you want, so why bescared?” Despite the “blunt” and often rudeanswers, Seth’s claims his column has grown in popularity over the past 11years and receives over 10,000 queries every week. Most of the questions, hesays, are sexual in nature because “Indians think of sex 97% of the timeand the remainder 3% is divided between L K Advani and SoniaGandhi.”While Seth claims the gender ratio of queries is 50-50,erstwhile agony aunt Bina Ramani says 75% of the letters to her were from men.The socialite also thinks that questions now have become more“youthful” but the level of anxiety is still the same, possibly evenworse.The boom in media has helped people shed their inhibitions aswell. TV shows centred on people calling in and asking for help have become astaple. Even on radio — the new agony aunt — people call up usingtheir real identities to discuss their immensely personal problems without anyhiccups. Tapas Sen, chief programming officer, Radio Mirchi,attributes this phenomenon to the fact that radio is an emotional medium.“Radio is not cathartic as such, but serves as an outlet. In fact, whatsets radio channels apart is their emotional quotient. At the end of the day, alistener will tune in because that station has some personal resonance,”he says. All of which, perhaps goes to illustrate that as long as there arepeople with problems, the agony aunt will continue to be alive and well.